Nyssa (Goddess of War Series Book 1) Read online

  And she had surprised him again. She had called him out on his decision, and she had done it from a military perspective. She’d make a better king than every Valhar in Ankh Shdaar, including him, he thought. Who in the name of the gods are you, woman? He laughed softly into the night air. Looking down to the small balcony he knew connected to her room, he was disappointed although not surprised to find it empty.

  She was unlike any woman he had ever met, and rather than have his way and take what he wanted from her. He found, instead, he wanted to know more about her. His eyes darkened as he remembered her telling him her father’s name, the tears spilling from her beautiful eyes. In that moment, he had felt like he deserved to die for what he had done to her and her family. His smile was bitter as he thought that likely was exactly what would happen in a few weeks when Tarnfell and his allies crossed the border for the final chapter of this war.

  So, he reasoned with himself. Food, wine, and parties were not going to bring her around. It was an unusual concept for him. All of his previous mistresses would tolerate almost anything as long as he lavished them with gifts. He was used to getting away with whatever he wanted, and she made him feel like that wasn’t an option. The strangest thing was that he respected her for it. He had found himself enjoying their conversation as she had spoken to him as an equal rather than a man to be feared and adored. He had been enjoying himself immensely until they had spoken of the death of her father.

  When he thought of it from her perspective, he realised it would certainly take a lot more than a party for her to forgive him for what he had taken from her. It was quite possible that she would never be able to forgive what he had done. Yet that look on her face when she had told him about seeing Astarin told him that even if she didn’t realise it herself, she had definitely forgiven the General for the part he had played in the loss of her father. “I love you, Ast.” He spoke aloud to the evening “But don’t try and take what belongs to me, brother. This one is mine and mine alone.”

  He knew the main reason he wanted to bed her was because she had refused him. He couldn’t really help it. That was his nature. Truth be told, he had no clue what he would do with her after he had her. Despite the urging of Astarin, Bernhardt, and his most trusted advisors, Odyn had exactly zero intentions of ever marrying anyone. He knew they wanted him wedded as soon as possible, so he could go about producing an heir that was actually born in wedlock. He wasn’t getting any younger, and with what could be the final battle of all their lives on the horizon, it would be prudent to do it sooner rather than later. I have my reasons though. He just knew he couldn’t share those reasons with anyone. The time wasn’t quite right.

  He turned to step back to his chamber, closing the glass doors behind him. Gods, he couldn’t believe he’d spent that last hour since she left, mooning over her like a love-struck, young kitchen boy. There was something about her that called to him. He knew that Astarin felt it too. His General had thought it had gone unnoticed that he had tried to hide what she was from him. But there was very little that ever, got past Lord Odyn Rygard. He knew Astarin was drawn to her in the same way he was himself, and he also knew he was going to be very careful to keep her close to him during the feast.

  Nyssa

  I woke the next morning, feeling rested and refreshed and was thankful I hadn’t drunk too much wine this time. The sunlight streamed through the window, and I lay for a moment basking in the heat. My mind wandering back to last night. Lord Odyn had been so different in every way. The fear and embarrassment I had felt the last time he called for me was replaced by calmness in his presence. So much so I had opened up and told him about my father. I’d even told him my father’s name. Idly, I wondered if he had forgotten it already.

  He took me completely by surprise when he let me leave after we finished talking. When I went to him last night, I was certain that I wouldn’t have a choice. I knew he had said he didn’t sleep with women who didn’t want him, but I thought that he would have found a way to make me say yes by threatening me in some way. Instead, he told me he was planning a feast. I had never been to a proper feast. Lyte Harbour was a working town and made just enough money to live on. They didn’t have anything left over to throw away on parties. I would never have let him know, but I was excited. I smiled to myself. “We’re going to have a feast,” I said out loud to the empty room.

  At that moment, my door flew unceremoniously open, and Gidren came flying into the room with a huge smile on her face. “We’re going to have a feast,” she announced delightedly.

  Shaking my head and laughing with her as she sat on the end of the bed, I said, “I know Lord Odyn told me last night.”

  Her smile became a frown as I spoke. “Are you all right, Nyssa? How was your evening?”

  I was starting to feel guilty for deceiving her, and I also realised we had become more like friends than mistress and maid, so I answered her with careful honesty. “We had dinner, and he was very courteous. We didn’t…” I trailed off, blushing as I stopped talking.

  “Oh, Nyssa. I think the lord really must like you. He is never so kind to anyone.” Then she eyed me suspiciously. “You’re not just saying this so you don’t have to drink any more Mothersbane are you?”

  I grimaced at the thought of the taste of those crushed white flowers and shook my head.

  “Are you sure, Nyssa? Because if he gets you with child, then he’ll send you away, and then I won’t be able to see you anymore.” She looked heartbroken as she said it.

  I leaned forward out of the bed covers and wrapped my arms around her. She was so sweet and kind even after everything that she had been through in her past. “I promise you we didn’t sleep together last night Gidren. Now tell me more about this feast. The kitchen must be in uproar.”

  Gidren chattered away to me as she drew my bath and helped me to dress for the day. Apparently, the kitchens were, indeed, in uproar. They had been given just six days to prepare a feast big enough to feed the whole Capital, including the entire army. She was very excited, but she hadn’t had a chance to see Kip all morning because he had been so busy already, and she was worried she was hardly going to see him at all over the next week. Kip had asked Gidren to marry him, just as Bernhardt had predicted, and of course she had said yes. They were planning to get married within a few weeks. I frowned as I hoped that the impending fight with the northern states wouldn’t happen before she had the chance to have her happy day.

  Just as we were putting the finishing touches to one of my daytime gowns, there was a knock at the door, and my heart skipped a beat. Despite everything that had happened last night, I had still not forgotten my encounter with General Roeseer. I knew he was unhappy, even angry with me when he left, but I wondered if he had been remembering the kiss we shared in the same way that I had been. Every time I thought of it, I felt a flush of heat rise in my belly and in my cheeks. “Come in.” Gidren answered for me after checking that I was dressed.

  The door opened, and I felt a flicker of disappointment to see a member of the castle armed guard step into the room. He stood just over the threshold of the door and spoke to me. “I am to notify you, mistress that you will no longer have a guard on your door during daylight hours, and it is my lord’s wish that you are given freedom to move around the castle and grounds as you choose. You will be provided with a guard during the evening only for your own safety.” Gidren looked at me in surprise, and I returned her look with a slightly open mouth. The guard ducked his head to me saying simply. “Mistress.” and retreated from the room.

  “Nyssa, you really have had an impact on Lord Odyn. He trusts you to have your freedom.” She was beaming at me.

  I smiled back at her, but the only thing I could think of was how much easier it would be to find an escape route now that I could come and go as I pleased. “Well I think perhaps I should go and make use of that freedom. Will you walk in the gardens with me, Gidren?”

  I knew she didn’t have anything else to do once s
he had helped get me ready, and with Kip busy, I thought it would be a nice distraction for her.

  “Oh, Nyssa, I’d love to. We can go and see how the pavilion is coming along for the feast.”

  We left the room with Gidren in giddy happiness, chattering about the feast, the gardens, and the fun we would have.

  I followed her, but I was quiet and thoughtful, silently wondering if this might be my opportunity to find my way back home to my family.

  When we reached the gardens, Gidren was a little disappointed that the pavilion was still sitting in dismantled piles on the floor. But she perked up when she began describing the intended layout to me. She showed me where Lord Odyn would sit, and pointing to the left of that, she explained that was where I would sit, as his mistress. “And, of course, General Roeseer will sit at his right hand as he always does,” she continued chirpily.

  I jolted at that, my thoughts of escape interrupted by her words. I would have to sit at one side of the man I belonged to while the man I had kissed would sit at his other side.

  It hadn’t occurred to me until now that I would have to be in company with both men together at some point, and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I had looked for the General when we first left the castle, but I hadn’t seen him anywhere. I wanted to talk to him, but at the same time it felt deceitful when I knew that I was planning my secret departure.

  Gidren was giving me a worried frown, as though she couldn’t understand how I could not be excited by everything that had happened today.

  I was just opening my mouth to answer her when I saw something just past the pieces of pavilion that caught my attention and made me truly smile. There was a group of men talking and laughing, and they all had bows in their hands and arrows slung in quivers across their shoulders. Several metres away from them were four large targets which were peppered with holes from their practice shots. Before I knew what I was doing, I was walking toward them.

  Gidren jogged to catch up with me. “Nyssa, what are you doing?” Then noticing where I was headed, she said, “Those are the archery targets for the tournament on the feast day. The men will enter and compete in knockout rounds for a prize, which is usually a lot of money.”

  As she finished speaking, I had reached the nearest archer and when he turned to look at me, I suddenly felt acutely aware I didn’t know any of these men. I really hadn’t thought this through at all. I had just seen the bows, and it had reminded me of hunting rabbits back home. It had made me want to feel a bow in my hands again, almost as though it would somehow bring me closer to my mother and Haydyn. “Can I help you, mistress?” He asked me. He raised his eyebrows questioningly. I almost rolled my eyes in frustration. Did everyone here know that I was Lord Odyn’s new plaything by now?

  Plucking up the courage, I answered him. “I-I, may I try your bow, please?”

  He laughed at that, not unkindly, and gently said, “I think that perhaps it may be too powerful for one so delicate.”

  I blushed as the other men smiled and agreed with him. It was a bigger bow than I was used to, but I just wanted to remember the feel of the wood in my hand, hear the twang as the arrow flew true to strike the target. Although, I was used to aiming at targets much smaller than the ones in front of me now, and my usual targets moved, a lot.

  I was just about to thank him and turn to leave when a clear and commanding voice called out from behind me. “If the lady wishes to try the bow, why not give her a shot, Morden?”

  I turned to see General Roeseer walking toward us. He was dressed in lightweight red and black armour and his trademark long, crimson cloak. I felt a delicious shiver down my spine as I took in the sight of him, and I quickly turned back to face Morden.

  The archer smiled kindly at me. Clearly not about to argue with his General, he handed me the bow. Then, taking an arrow from his quiver, he held it out to me. Gidren was standing to the side of me, her mouth agape. I was pretty sure she didn’t think women should be playing with weapons. But as soon as the bow was in my hand, I felt like I was home.

  I nocked the arrow, and holding the bow upright, pulled back on the string, testing the resistance. It was a man’s bow and needed a lot more power to achieve a full draw than my own bow at home. I pulled it back as far as I could but the tension was so great, I couldn’t hold my position long enough to aim. As I released too quickly, with an exhale of breath, the arrow flew forward and only grazed the side of the target. I cringed, embarrassed in front of my audience. I turned, intending to return the bow to Morden, but before I could hand it back to him, I felt two strong arms wrap around me from behind. His hands took hold of mine, and he guided the arrow he held in his own hand into the arrow rest on the bow. I could feel the steel of his armour pressed against my back as he whispered, “Relax.”

  That was an almost impossible request with the feel of his breath tickling loose strands of my hair against my ear. His cheek pressed against me as we both lifted our arms together, and I leaned back into him. He pulled back much farther than I would have been able to, and his lips brushed my ear as he said, “Let me do the hard work. You take aim and make it fly true.”

  I followed his instruction and with a twang, the arrow shot from the bow, piercing the target inside the tiny, central circle. It shuddered back and forth from the force of the impact.

  We stayed in the same position for what felt like an eternity after we released the arrow, his arms around me. His lips tickled my ear, and I could hear my breathing coming hard and fast as I stood encircled in his arms. My body screamed at me to turn around and face him, to step into his embrace. As he took a step away from me, I almost reeled backward as I realised just how hard I had been leaning into him.

  The other men laughed and clapped as I breathlessly handed the bow back and thanked Morden. Gidren was looking at me with wide eyes, and I laughed as I walked back to her. Just as I reached her side again the General’s voice sounded close behind me. “Will you walk with me, Nyssa?” And then to Gidren, he said, “I have it on good authority that your man has an hour of respite from the kitchens.” He winked at her, and she blushed. Then turning to me, she threw her arms about me in an over-exaggerated hug and whispered in my ear. “Please be careful, Nyssa. Lord Odyn won’t like it if he finds out. He will be furious with you and the General.”

  I could feel the tension in her body as she embraced me. “It’s just a walk around the gardens, Gidren, no more.” I whispered back to her. “Please don’t worry.” Then pulling back from each other, we turned and walked our separate ways. She returning to her future husband and me to the man who had taken me captive.

  General Roeseer said goodbye to his comrades, and we started to walk toward the gardens. I knew my way through them all by now, as I had walked them so often with Bernhardt. I knew each path and every flower, bush, and shrub. I had also noted all of the side gates which were peppered along the walls. Each one was always checked and locked, much to my disappointment. We walked in a relaxed silence for a while, and then he spoke. “I’m sorry for what I did yesterday. It was wrong of me, and I regret it deeply. It will not happen again.”

  My head was spinning as he spoke. What he did yesterday? What we did was one of the most memorable moments of my life. Yes, it was wrong, I knew that but even so it had meant something to me.

  The way I had felt as he kissed me and the feel of his body entwined with mine. I hadn’t wanted to stop, not really. Every part of me had screamed at myself to carry on to what came next after a kiss like that. I may have been inexperienced, but my body had no trouble telling me what it wanted. It had taken every ounce of my will-power to stop him before things went too far.

  As he spoke now, his words hurt me so deeply. How could he just dismiss those feelings? Or maybe he hadn’t felt the same way as I did. Perhaps it was easy for him because it hadn’t made him feel anything at all. Well there was no way I was going to let him know that he’d hurt me.

  “I had forgotten it already,” I replied as smoothly
as I could manage through the upset and anger inside me. I thought his eyes darkened a little at that, and I felt a pang of guilt but quickly shrugged it off.

  We continued to walk for a while, but the silence was not so relaxed this time. By the time we reached the rose gardens, I felt like I was going to burst if neither one of us spoke, and since he didn’t look like he was going to, I sat down on a bench and said the first thing that popped into my head. “Bernhardt knows you and Lord Odyn very well.” I put emphasis on the name “Lord Odyn” as I said it. You can make of that what you will, you cold bastard. “How long have you known him for, General?” He took a seat next to me on the bench, and I thought he took great care to make sure we were not touching. He turned to face me with a heavy sigh, and in that moment, I knew that his worry over the coming war was as great as Lord Odyn’s had been when we talked last night.

  He looked as though he was trying to decide if he would answer me or not. Eventually he seemed to come to a decision, and he started to speak. “I have known Odyn since he was sixteen, since he took hold of Kytara and became Valhar. That happened just after Bernhardt and I found him and he chose to join us. But that is his story to tell, not mine. I have known Bernhardt a lot longer. Since I was three years old in fact.”

  I looked at him in surprise at that, I had no idea he had known Bernhardt almost since birth.

  He carried on speaking. “To my knowledge, I was born in Heryn. Back then Faryn Tarnfell was a young man and new to his warlord status. He was never out of our lands. Raping, looting, and generally taking what wasn’t his. Bernhardt spent his life wandering Ankh Shdaar. He had no family and had not belonged anywhere in a very long time, so he tells it. It was by the grace of the Goddess that he arrived at my town in the aftermath of one of Tarnfell’s raids. The village was destroyed, everyone was taken or dead, and fire raged throughout. He was picking his way through the ruins when he heard a child crying. He looked through several houses until he found me in one of them, howling. There were two people in the room with me, a man and a woman whom he thought were likely my parents. Both of them were dead.”