Nyssa (Goddess of War Series Book 1) Page 11

  I reached out to him then. I hadn’t even realised I was going to do it. But I placed my hand gently on the back of his and looked sadly into his beautiful, blue eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

  He shifted slightly but didn’t take his hand away from mine as he carried on with his story. “Bernhardt being Bernhardt he took me from that place, and he raised me. He told me years later he hadn’t intended to do it. In fact he was going to find a village where he could hand me over to another family who could take care of me. But as he travelled through Heryn, one step behind Faryn Tarnfell, he realised that nowhere in my state was safe for a young child to grow. Every place he came to was a burnt-out ruin, and by the time he reached the border with Kytara, he was so attached to me that he kept me and took me with him. Bernhardt was the only family I had, and I was his, until we encountered Odyn, and now I have them both. That is why I am so loyal to my Valhar. He is, in everything but blood, my brother.” He sat back as he finished and our hands lost each other again. I felt the loss of his touch keenly.

  I sat quietly for a moment. I felt such sorrow for this man, who would never have the opportunity to know his real family. Then something occurred to me. “You can’t even know your real name.” As I said it, my heart felt as though it were breaking for him, and tears rose unbidden in my eyes.

  He smiled sadly at me. “I have the name that Bernhardt chose for me. I came to peace with who and what I am a long time ago, Nyssa. Don’t cry for me. All is well, and I have everything I need in my life.” He reached forward with his thumb and wiped away a stray tear that had spilled over and onto my cheek. “Come, I must return to Odyn. We have much to discuss.”

  As we walked slowly back to the castle, I felt my earlier anger lifting, I watched him as he walked beside me. He cut such a terrible and frightening figure when he was garbed in his armour. Everyone in the castle was fearful and respectful of him. Even though Gidren adored him, it was obvious she was terrified by his presence. Yet he was just like most of us, he was who he was because of the discord across Ankh Shdaar. I couldn’t believe that Faryn Tarnfell had even taken the General’s name away from him. I hated Lerwyn’s Valhar more than anyone, and I had never even laid eyes on him. I hoped fiercely that Kytara would win this battle, and I hoped more and more with every day that both Lord Odyn and General Roeseer returned safely in their victory.

  I stood at the bottom of the castle steps as I said goodbye to General Roeseer. He walked away from me, up the stairs, and I watched his cloak swirl behind him as he disappeared inside. Just as I was about to make my way to my room, a flicker of movement caught my eye, and I turned in the direction of it. What I saw made my breath catch in my throat. There was trailing ivy, twisting its way over one of the castle walls. It ran from top to bottom, covering the whole of the stonework. One small part of the ivy was moving inward and as I carried on watching I saw a hidden door open, and a young, castle maid stepped into the grounds, looking around nervously. She had obviously snuck out, perhaps to meet someone in the town. As she closed the door behind her, carefully re-covering it with the ivy, her eyes caught mine, and she knew I was watching her. She shot me a pleading look, and I smiled at her, shaking my head. I won’t tell. She returned my smile gratefully and ran off toward the kitchens.

  It took everything I had not to run up the castle steps two at a time. I was excited but also terrified. So many thoughts ran through my head. What if someone discovered the door before I had a chance to use it? When would I leave? I needed a horse, but that wasn’t a problem. I knew where the stables where. I couldn’t believe that during my first unsupervised trip around the castle grounds I had found my way out. I had my opportunity for escape. I almost fell into my room. Slamming the door behind me, I pressed my back against the wood and tried desperately to get my breathing under control. This was it, my chance to get back to my mother and brother, and there was a very real chance I would do it before Lord Odyn or General Roeseer had a chance to hurt me.

  My thoughts wavered as I thought of these two men who had become part of my life since I arrived at castle Kytara. If I was honest with myself, I didn’t hate them as I once had. Despite all of the rumours and all of the threats, they hadn’t hurt me at all. I had a better understanding now of whom and what they were and the reasons for it. Yet there was no way it was enough to make me want to stay. Gidren stayed because she belonged there, as did the General and Lord Odyn. I belonged back in Lyte Harbour with my family. Even if I had to leave our home, to hide from Lord Odyn if he pursued me or my brother when he discovered I was gone. I knew it would be all right. My mother and brother would leave with me. Perhaps we could go to Aestaryn or Barth, where things were a lot more settled since the union with Kytara. We would be safe there. We would be a family again.

  I turned my thoughts back to escape. I didn’t want to be hasty, but I didn’t want to wait around too long in case I was called to Lord Odyn’s chamber again before I left. I settled on two nights from tonight for my attempt. That should give me time to get everything I needed together and to make a plan. I threw myself back on the bed and smiled. “I’m going home,” I whispered to the room.

  The next two days passed in a blur. Lord Odyn and General Roeseer were reported to have been spending hours locked away in conference with Lord Odyn’s war council. So, I was left undisturbed for the entire time, and I was grateful for it. Although, I had snatched moments of guilt that I was leaving Castle Kytara and its people while they were on the brink of what would probably be their final, great battle.

  Night had fallen on the second day, and the time had come for me to finally escape. I was on edge. I had left nothing to chance. I had been to the stables several times over the last few days and had chosen a placid mare to make friends with, getting her used to my scent and the sound of my voice. I had a bag hidden beneath my bed covers that I would fill with the foods from my dresser before I left, and I had even managed to get hold of some men’s doeskin trousers, a tunic, and some boots. I would feel a lot more comfortable riding as men do, instead of side-saddle in my skirts. The only sticking point in my plan was the guard on my door. Lord Odyn hadn’t changed his mind about me being guarded through the night, and I had only one plan which relied on me being as believable and commanding as possible.

  I hadn’t said goodbye to Gidren; I had totally avoided her, in fact. I couldn’t bring myself to say it, knowing that whatever happened, I would never see her again. She was so busy with the upcoming feast that she hadn’t seemed to notice I was staying away, and I was glad. It was easier for us both this way I thought to myself as I packed my bag with food and the men’s clothing I had stashed away. I hurried to the window, opened the door and then crossed the balcony quickly. I looked down first, and all was quiet. I glanced up to Lord Odyn’s balcony, terrified he would be there in all of his unearthly beauty, glaring down at me. But it was deserted. He would be huddled around maps and strategies right now no doubt.

  I hauled my bag up to the stone balustrade and then cringing slightly, tipped it over the edge. I listened for the soft thud as it hit the ground below, and then I turned quickly and re-entered my chamber for the last time. Checking myself in the mirror, I made sure that the sheer night gown I had chosen was showing as much flesh as possible. Then I walked to the door, and after a quick glance back at “my” room, I took a deep breath and walked out in to the corridor.

  The guard looked surprised as I appeared and started to walk past him on my way down the corridor. He called out. “Mistress? Where are you going?”

  I turned back to face him and shot him what I hoped was a half sultry and half commanding look. “I am going to My Lord Odyn. He has requested I spend the evening with him.” He looked a little confused at that. “Err, mistress I have heard no word from Lord Odyn that he is expecting you.” He was doing exactly what I had thought he would, and so now I needed to play the only card I had and hope that it would be enough to persuade him.

  Walking down the hall to
ward him, I swayed my hips and lowered my lids as I purred, “I am free to go to my lord as I please, without an escort. You must know that by now.” As I drew close to him, he started to look a little afraid and also a little turned on, but he was still insistent.

  “My lord is in a war council. I didn’t think he would want to be disturbed.”

  I sighed and pressed myself against him. “Tell me, after hours locked in a room with a bunch of men discussing danger and death do you not think that your lord deserves some, entertainment.” As I said that last word, I traced my fingers up his bare arm, and he shivered.

  He was losing the argument, and he knew it so I continued. “If my lord is waiting for me after a hard day of battle planning, and I don’t turn up as promised. What do you think he will do?”

  He looked worried. “I-I, he will look for you, mistress?” He was looking at me with a mixture of lust and fear.

  I was almost there, I knew it. Pressing myself hard against him and holding my face just inches from his, I whispered, “And what do you think my lord will do if he finds me here being questioned by you like this?” I had won. I saw the fear in his face winning out over the lust, and he jerked back from me suddenly.

  “Of course, mistress. On you go.” He gestured down the hall “Goodnight, mistress.”

  I stepped back and gave him my best haughty look. “Thank you, good night.” And with that I turned on my heel and stalked rather imperiously away.

  My heart was hammering in my chest as I fought to control my pace to a sedate walk. All I wanted to do was run, but if I ran, I was done for if I was seen. At least this way I could try to talk myself out of trouble if I was found out. The walk felt like it took hours, when in reality it took less than two minutes, and I was out into the fresh, cool night. I did pick up the pace then, making my way quickly to my waiting bag. I was relieved to see it still there. Grabbing it, I slung it over my shoulder and headed toward the stables.

  Once I closed the stable door, I leaned my forehead against it and breathed a huge sigh of relief. I had made it this far. It should be easy to get a saddle on my new friend and walk her the short distance to the hidden gate before mounting and hitting a headlong gallop for as long as she could run.

  A sudden rustle behind me made me whirl around, and I was face to face with the girl whom I had seen coming back in through the gate I intended to use, two days ago. She looked as shocked as I thought I probably did. I quickly lifted a finger to my lips in a “shush” gesture and whispered, “I kept your secret. Will you keep mine?”

  She gave me a huge smile and nodded her head, saying, “Be safe mistress. May the Goddess watch over you.”

  I smiled and thanked her before she left. Then quickly stripping off my dress, I bundled it underneath a hay bale. Next, I pulled on my men’s clothing. I picked up a pair of tall boots from the tack room of the stable, and I was ready. Now for my horse.

  I walked toward her, whispering softly and she whickered at me gently, happy to see me. “Ssshh,” I soothed as I swapped her rope halter for a bridle and fixed the saddle securely on her back. Leading her to the door, I let go of her while I opened it and checked for any movement outside. Once I was happy we were alone, I clicked to her and walked her out of the stable and toward the ivy-covered wall. I struggled to find the handle of the door, and panic welled up in me. I knew a woman and a horse were far too obvious to be standing around unnoticed out there for too long. Just as I was starting to think I had made a mistake, my hand caught the handle, and the door opened. Taking hold of my mare’s bridle, I led her through and quietly closed the door behind us.

  Then I was up in the saddle, and we were away. I had done it. I had escaped Castle Kytara and Lord Odyn. I felt a tinge of sadness as I remembered how we had talked and how he had opened up to me during our second night together, but I pushed the feeling back down inside me and focussed on the burning desire to get home to my family.

  The moon was bright tonight, and it almost felt as though the Goddess had heard the prayer of the girl in the stable and was lighting my way, letting me know all would be well, and she would keep me safe. It had occurred to me that in times such as these, there would be bandits roving through the countryside, looking for weak people to prey upon. But I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind as I ducked my head down in to my mare’s neck, feeling the power of her muscles as she ran for me.

  I suddenly heard my mare scream in agony, and before I could even register why, I tumbled from the saddle as she crashed down toward the floor. I tried to roll away, but I was too slow and my leg became trapped underneath her. There was a long shaft of wood sticking out from a wound in her chest, and she moaned softly as her life blood poured from it, forming a puddle made black by the light of the moon. Seeing the spear coming out of her, I rapidly realised I was not alone, and I started to look around me while frantically trying to work my leg out from underneath her.

  I felt strong hands then. They gripped me underneath my arms, and I was pulled free of my now dead horse. I whimpered, crushed with guilt. She wouldn’t be dead if it wasn’t for me. She would be in her warm stable, safely eating hay and whickering to her friends in their stalls.

  Out of nowhere, a heavy hand hit me across the face and sent me reeling, causing me to look away from the poor mare and take in the man who had pulled me from underneath my horse. He was a youngish man with sandy hair and hazel eyes. He had an evil glint in his eyes, and it made me nervous. He was dressed in armour, coloured beige and green and he had just realised that I was a woman and not a man. “Well, well.” He smirked as he spoke and began to circle me.

  “I thought I’d caught myself one of Odyn Rygard’s boys. But I can have a lot more fun with you, whore.” His eyes were dark and hungry as he reached out to grab me, and I hit him. He looked stunned for a moment, and I took the opportunity to make a dart toward the trees, thinking that I may be able to lose him. But I felt his hands wrap in my hair and pull me backward toward him. The pain was blinding, and before I could do anything he had hit me across the head this time, knocking me to the floor. I screamed in frustration, but I was dizzy, and everything was going in and out of blackness.

  I felt him unfasten the ties of my doeskin trousers, and although I put my hand up to stop him, he just batted it away. I felt as though I was going to be sick. He tugged off my tall boots and then he pulled hard and my trousers came away from my slim hips, leaving me completely exposed to him. I wriggled, desperately trying to cover my nakedness. I was vaguely aware I was crying but he didn’t care. He pinned me to the floor with his knees on my legs and his hands on my wrists, and he began to bite at my neck. I heard my voice as though from far away, screaming at him. “Stop, please stop.” He used his hand to work at his own trousers, freeing himself, and then he pressed down harder against me, trying to force himself inside me, but I twisted and bucked my hips, desperately trying to throw him off. I was screaming at him the whole time.

  The next instant his head lolled forward, and his full weight dropped on top of me. At the same time, I heard the thud and slide of an arrow penetrating his skull. Frantically trying to push his dead weight off me, I turned my head to see General Roeseer running toward me with a bow in his hand.

  He dropped the bow as he reached me and threw the man off me with one hand, as though he weighed nothing at all. Then, wrapping his cloak around me to cover my body, he held me in his arms as I howled and cried and screamed to the moon.

  “Sshh, sweetheart, sssshhh. It’s over now. You’re safe,” he whispered to me as he kissed my forehead and rocked me gently. As I calmed down, a million thoughts went through my mind. He was telling me I was safe, but he had caught me escaping from the castle. What would happen to me now? If he told Lord Odyn I was done for this time. This would not be forgiven.

  As I calmed down, I managed to work up the strength to speak to him. “Were you following me?”

  He kept me wrapped in his arms as he replied. “I was looking out from the
balcony window. The council meeting was going on longer than I would have liked.” He smiled as he said it, transforming his features so he looked like a young boy. “I saw a horse and a woman at the hidden gate, so I went to see what they were doing. When I realised it was you, I went back for my horse, and I followed you. I almost wasn’t in time.” He frowned.

  “But you were.” I reached up to him then, touching his cheek. “And I am so glad that you were. But what were you going to do after you caught me?”

  He thought about it, hugging me close while he did. “I hadn’t decided if I was going to catch up to you and take you back or if I was going to follow you all the way to Lyte Harbour and make sure something like this,” he gestured at the dead soldier, “didn’t happen.”

  I felt guilty then. I had killed a horse in my escape attempt, and he had had to kill a man to save me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as the tears threatened to come again.

  He saw me looking at the body of the man and said, “Don’t feel guilt over that one, apart from what he intended to do to you. He wears the armour of Lerwyn. He’s one of Faryn Tarnfell’s. It’s just one I won’t have to kill on the battlefield.”

  I didn’t feel guilty, I realised. I was glad he was dead after what he had tried to do to me.